The funny thing is you’d think your so called “friends” would make you hate life or even just yourself a little less. No. I fucking hate myself so much. I hate myself and people help me hate myself more everyday. Thanks.
Ya know, I have this tumblr account and think “hey this is my tumblr, I can post whatever the fuck I want,” but I can’t. I can’t post my true feelings because it makes my friends feel bad and that’s not what I’m trying to accomplish. But now it’s like my blog isn’t even me anymore. I’m keeping two different blogs that way my friends won’t be mad at me for being upset. Yeah I said that right. My friends get mad at me when I’m not happy. Pretty fucked up right? And yeah I’m posting this and I’ll probably get shit for it later. But if any of you want to see what’s ACTUALLY going on in my life, go look at society-is-a-surreal-lie.tumblr.com
Alone in this house
Nothing is here
Not even the slight chance of a mouse
Silently running down my face, a tear
Lonely in this world
But there’s nothing I can do
Everyone turning their backs on me
But that’s not anything new
I’m tired of having no one to trust
No one to talk to and no one to care about me
It’s like everything that mattered turned to dust
Why can’t I ever be happy?
How did everyone turn out to be so fake?
They’re all so self absorbed
Shows you to be careful of the friends you make
When I die will I even be mourned?
All I ever do is listen
No one cares when I talk
So I keep it bottled up inside
No one cares, it’s not much of a shock
So the truth is
I’m all alone in this world
No true friends
No true family
Seems like “God” has damned me.
I want to travel with someone. Maybe a best friend or just someone I like to be with. No body else. That way we can enjoy the world without disturbances. Just do what we want to do.
Where my narcoleptics at? I need someone to talk to who will actually understand what the hell I’m talking about and will actually care.
I HATE this. It’s like I’m in a constant battle with myself. Wondering what I should do, if certain things are worth it, or what life would be like had I done something differently. Had I not trusted someone who hurt me in the end or if I just let myself live life without over analyzing everything. If I didn’t think so much. I get so close to someone and then they become the reason I wake up. The reason I hate my life a little less. But then they leave, they’re just gone. Or sometimes they’re not gone and that’s even worse because they’re still there, tormenting you with the thoughts of what could have been. I Just want to be away from my thoughts for a day and maybe, just maybe I could be truly happy for a moment without the help of someone else.
I don’t want to be just some person you knew at one time in life. I want to be someone you look back on and just think “wow, I’m glad I ever even got to meet her” or you’ll wonder what you would have done without me. I just want to be someone you’re grateful to have in your life. No doubts, no regrets. Pure appreciation.
- *Me and Allison on our laptops on Tumblr*
- Me: We should have a dance party!
- Allison: Let's do it.
- *starts music and dancing sitting down*
- Me: I love how we didn't even get up. Let's do it again.
- Allison: Okay!
- *goes again*
- Allison: wow I'm tired now.
- Me: I know, that was a lot of work.
- Tumblr/lazy kid probs